| i suck |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  FUCKED! and mad head ache | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NONE :-( | ] |
well i dont think anyone knows how much i hate myself right now... in the past couple of weeks i have been the worst boyfriend ever, i am the luckyest person ever that i did not get dumped i did a few things a shouldn't have, which i dont wanna write about in here, luckly i didn't do the worst (cheat on her). but yah i havn't spent anytime with her it sucks, cause shes leaving for the hole fucking summer... thats along time. i mean jesus fuck nuggets! but in the next two days i have im gonna try and spend as much time with her as possible. which aint gonnna be that much... FUCK! i suck so much... brooke if you read this, IM SO SORRY ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG.... but yah im gonna go to bed. and dream... about stuff, o wait I DONT FUCKING DREAM... |
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| WORST DAY EVER |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|10:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Fuck it, I dont Really know | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Soco Amaretto Lime ..::Brand New::.. | ] |
well where do i start. o yes today i had a meating at my school. my dad, whom in which i havn't spent time with in years, desides to show up, which pissed me off and i wound up not kinda sorta getting kicked out of the school, apperently to my dad the reason im doing bad in school is 'cause i dont have a father figure, and to me my friends dads who hate me are more of father figures to me then we will ever be. and now i have to go to familly conselling, him.... im gonna fucking tell him off OMFG i already told my mom i will, she wasn't close to mad, actually seemed a little happy, last time my dad did this it was with my older brother sam, and then it ended when the counseller said he sam was a bigger man than my dad... o man and sam was only in like 7th grade, immagine how he is compared to him now... o man i just wanted to say something but i forgizzote... well yah and then i found out some kids took my/my moms cell phone and chucked it on a schools roof (o yah what i wanted to say was "so you can immagine my dad aint that great")and yah those kids are faggets and i wanna beat the shit out of them... and yah i dunno just every thing went wrong today... o and what makes it better is brookes leaving the hole summer to NY with her mom, THE HOLE SUMMER! its gonna suck, im gonna be like friggen AKON so lonely ahah yah well i guess thats all il right for now but my day was worse.... Later Kids
B* |
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| WOW!! |
[May. 17th, 2005|02:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  A Little Out Of It... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Onlyone ..::Yellowcard::.. | ] |
haha wow your all gonna think im one of those suicidale FAGGETS. but yah i have been thinking so much about death latly, some to just sit down and think about it, what is the idea of life. like we all just sit here and build things destroy. someone should just blow up the entire world. it would be great like no more anything. the idea of livving is just so... GAHH pointless and indescribable. the drama and everything, bad friends, backstabers... them faggets, they make me think so much more on this. its just so wierd to sit down andthink about it.... haha but dun worry i ain't thinking about killing myself or anything. thats dumb. but so is everything else. heh i probabley shouldn't even put up this entry, your all gonna think im crazy, but w.e, any who. me and des got in ANOTHER fight, like always worse than the one before it, we both wind up acting really immature and dumb. this time we got in a fight 'cause i asked her to not answer the phone like a couple fridays from now if brookes dad called, 'cause hes leaving town and i wanted her to come over and and just like chill, then she told me i was abad person and that i was bad for b and like just got all defensive. it was really dumb. but w/e we tend to do this. W/E. yah so now i know how desi actullay fells about me, i wish i would have known i while ago, that would have been one less person to care about. and i cared alot to. all for nothing but a backstabing friend. SWEET HUH?!! god damn now that im sitting here thinking about it. its really dumb. i cared for her so much. when the way she felt was that i cant be trusted and im a bad person. o also im a player too her once again. god damn. 'cause apperently i played zoe, and emily stevens, i didn't even like kiss emily S and she told b that i told her i loved her and shit (to emily S) and yah des fliped 'cause i had thought i loved des, and then i was just getting confused and shed always get mad and be like how can you love, just give up please stop. but she gets pissed when i tell her i relized i didn't... WTF?!! and yah i've said it like last entry or the one before, love zoe and holly. thats it. not her nope. and i kinda think i do brook, but i dunno. maybe i dunno what love is, im starting to think NOBODY does. its just dumb. maybe ill be read when im older, not dealing with school and home life and stuff. and yet no matter how much i wanna avoid all this bull shit drama. i get wraped right back into it. god damn it sucks. i think i try to be way more mature than i should be at my age. i think every kid does like 10 yr olds thru 16yr olds mostly do. and its really dumb. i hate it. why can't things be how they should. like, we're kids. and we dont wanna be. and when we're older we're gonna wish we took the chance to have fun. god damn it sucks, shit, busted mom just woke up. gotta go i as having a good time venting on this entry to. o damn shes getting pissed gotta go.
B* |
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| bo idea |
[May. 9th, 2005|11:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ehh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Early Sunsets Over Monroville ..::MCR::.. | ] |
well i thought you should all know, MOTHERS DAY SUCKED! well it was fun, but im like on my moms least favorites list now, saturday night before mothers day i stayed a JJ's and then we just chilled all day. and i didn't see my mom till 9 sunday night and she was drunk. she can be a bitch when shes drunk. so i refused to sign her mothers day card. and um yah. so she basicly hates me. haha im such a bad sun. the hole time she was yelling at me and trying to make me feel bad i was laughing. dont i suck at life. haha. im a DICK. i dunno what else to say, hmm what to say. o umm like friday i think friday. well anyway i went to a belmondo show at borders which tottaley kicked ass, besides the fact that brooke wasn't there. but i enjoyed it alot. mad props to Belmondo. guys (and gals) check them out on Pure Volume, in case your a loser and dont know what it is. well im not describing what is, 'cause everyone already knows. ANY WHO check them out at purevolume under jon baily, some guy from like switzerland or some shit used belmondo. haha WIERD! o and jon, you should like pay me for mentioning you. hah. and yah BELMONDO kicked ASS FRIDAY NIGHT. and thats basiclly all i wanted to say but i went all ADD on your ass and rambled on about nothing as you can see... Later Kids.
B* |
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| im such a fucking hipicrite (SP) |
[May. 4th, 2005|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Bored, Mad Head Ache | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hate It Or Love It ..::The Game::.. | ] |
jesus im like a dumb person, Heh? but yah my last entry, which you better have read fuck face, JK. but yah read it before this one. any who i though about it i've like "kinda loved" one person and like loved another. The One i loved Is Holly. amd the other ones a Secret you know who you are. actullay i dont think you do hehe. anywho now i think im falling inlove again, and it feels good. and maybe even so i dont know what love is. but i think im feeling it. or something close. but i think i do love brooke, which is really wierd 'cause i didn't think i liked her as more than friends, then one day we wound up kissing and shit and i relized how much i care about her. and like yah. its wierd. but its so awesome!! <333 but yah im gonna go take some shit for my head ache. and then finish the MATRIX:RELOADED (NERD MOVIE) its my favorite. hehe. any who g'night every body. |
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| yup |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|04:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Dieing | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Your Own Disaster ..::TBS::.. | ] |
god i hate myself. i went back on my old enteries and like 103862 of the fucking moods where "inlove" and i never was. i've been pulled into telling so many people i love them when i never did. and now if i ever feel that i love some one im gonna be to scared to say it and jesus!!! i hate me. love honestly sucks. its like impossible. and really i shouldn't even think about it. besides loving my mommy :-) but realy im four-fucking-teen years fucking old. gahh. i shouldn't even be thinking about loving anyone! gahhhhhhhhhh!! kids including me are so dumb. we all think and try to act so much older than we are. we think we find someone at the age of 14 we're gonna be with for the rest of our lifes. yah fucking right. its so dumb jesus fucking fuck!
but now i must go its 4 14 and my mom and the baby are waking. later kids |
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| long time no entry |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|02:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  inlove | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Flavor Of The Week ..::American Hi-Fi::.. | ] |
HOLY SHIT is been a while sense i updated my L-izzle J-fizzle. and i dont know what to say. im just gonna leave this thing kinda sucks. |
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| 'eh |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|10:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Complicated Emotions | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Again I Go Unnoticed ..::DBC::.. | ] |
hmm desi im kinda getting annoyed. this is why its hard for me to want to be friends. its been forever sense i have called you just to talk, or at that called for any reason. i could call you crying, and try to talk to you and you just say sorry gtg brians on the other line. and gahh. i know he your boyfriend but jesus. i've said this before just to be with him, you'd miss my funeral. and it pisses me off, you tell me you'll be there for me, and right now you not holding up to that, i've givin up on you being the one i called when i needed some one, now im left with no one. yes i have dawnna and thats really good, but shes aloud 15 minutes on the phone, and i cant call past nine. so you where the only one i had, and now its no one. so yah im just sick of this, if you wanna be there for me then be there. gahhh. just fuck it. i dont wanna say more |
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| Bitches |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|09:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | inlove <3 | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DBC | ] |
haha its funny no one believes i went up a grade. beacuse i was stupid old failing grades leo. but yah i dunt really know why i went up a grade. but i did. woo. ahah thats all i really got to say for now, peace bitches |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2005|11:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Inlove | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hands Down ..::Dashboard::.. | ] |
Woo Well, i dont go to glenburns shity ass school now. no more mr puls/pulz how ever it is i never really knew. but no more big huge ass Mrs Landry,i could go on for ever, but i must say one more. NO MORE STUPID ASS FLAKY SKIN VIRGIN MR DAIGLE!!!!!! ahhh that supid ass finch fucker!! and all the stupid teachers judgemental bull shit. woo hoo. i cant wait, tomorrow will be my first dizzay at the other school. it was gonna be today, but we had a snow day bitches!!! and they put me in a freshman class, so now bitches, im a freshman. o yes o yes.well yah im off. peace. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|12:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Inlove | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Acoustic Mix | ] |
I dunno what to say, but everyones bugging me to update... im drinken root beer, just chowed down on some chicken selects. but im sick, have a soar throat so its hard to swallow food and drinks. it took me forever just to eat three checken selects. and this small root beer still ain't finished. but yes. i have nothing to say i was getting to many complaints that i hadn't updated it so thats the only reason for this entry. |
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| *_* |
[Feb. 21st, 2005|12:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | im like not in a mood heh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Taste Of Ink ..::The Used::.. | ] |
hmm i havn't updated this bad boy in a wbile. i kinda havn't had time to. i've been out snow mobiling seth like turned me into a hick lol its all good though. lol i havn't gone skating in a while it sucks havn't seen dawnna in a long time it makes every day really hard. but i might see her this wednesday. i have to clean ,my ass off in order to which sucks like hairy sweatey donkey balls. woo its funny the used are becoming famout and like a long time ago i use to listen to them and yah its like funny and i forgot the band name but when i herd the songs i was like o yah!! \m/ heheh. well im gonna go do nothing buh bye..... |
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| hmm hey "kiddo" |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|10:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Point The Blame ..::cach 22::... | ] |
hmm i wasn't saying that i like zoe, i was saying its cool. i didn't feel like i liked her like that anymroe. it felt as though nothing ever happend with us. it felt like we where friends. just friends, and it was so cool yah thats all |
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| i dunno |
[Feb. 15th, 2005|03:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Zoe S. (dunno the name of the song) | ] |
wow i talked to zoe yesterday for like the first time in a long time, she sent me this song she recorded with T. Dave. its so amazing. i didn't she had such an amazing voice. and yah she called and we talked for like two minutes and it was cool. it didn't seem to be uncomfortable at all. but then she let me go. she didn't want her B/F to get mad. and she didn't want dawnna mad either. but yah. i guess thats fricken pretty damn awesome. and valentines day kinda sucked ;_; i didn't buy anything for dawnna i didn't get to see her, i got to talk to her on the phone for liek 15 minutes and then i feel asleep at like 5-ish and yah. well i dunno what else to say so ill just end this tight in the middle of some random sentance, like this one: Tuna Tastes Better When Your Under a watter fall wackwards with random dwarfs of the evil tombs of |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|05:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Sad, Still...Fucking Sucks | ] |
| [ | music |
| | still lonley sad emo stuff | ] |
 |
| You love to love and don't care who knows. Sometimes you go over board but sometimes it's not always a good over board. You believe in the love at first sight deal but sometimes that's not always good. |
comment on this, tell me if you thinks its true... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|05:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Depressed, Still | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Still Deprssing Emo Stuff | ] |
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| You are a piano. You like to express your feelings indirectly like in lyrics, poems, and stories. You are careful in what you do and sometimes pull a stunt. You are calm and peaceful. But you usually don't talk to people first they have to talk to you. |
Comment On It, Tell Me If you think its true... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|05:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | alot of sad emo kid acoustic stuff DbC SLR NFG Etc. | ] |
GAHH im so confused with every thing, girls suck (no offence or anything if your a girl)
hmm i dunt feel like typing up anything so later days mo fuckers... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|03:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Europe ..::The Final Countdown::.. (thanks brianna) | ] |
whooa sense my first entry every probably thinks i like way to many people, which is kinda true. but they probably think that if some thing ever happend between desi and brian that i would dump dawnna for a chance with desi. but thats not true at all. i mean yah my feelings for desi are really strong. but yah. i like dawnna alot too. and dawnna, i dunno but shes so *dreamy sigh* But any who i really have no idea what else to say... so... .!..=(-.-)=..!. heheheh ^_^;; go me. but yah im out... like, like. like a def kid! yah a def kid, o yah, in musical chairs! peace! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|06:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Volcano ..::Damien Rice::.. | ] |
Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and unique. You are quite distant from emotion and people, but you have been made this way by one thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in art, music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in now you don't even bother to try having been hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but yourself, people are just trouble waiting to happen. But you really do want to trust someone no matter if you see it or not, deep down your waiting for someone to come and set you free. This kind of depression can turn dangerous, don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the world will hurt you, humans are humans and are not perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.
Comment, tell me if you think its true... |
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| Desi |
[Feb. 6th, 2005|10:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ..::Dashboard Confessionals::.. | ] |
wow right now i am crying way to much over one silly little girl. i feel like such a dick when i say this but im inlove with desi, which is the wrong person. and this sucks i know ill never have another chance after blowing her off for zoe i know she could never like me that way i again i made a huge mistake. i am now to by going out with dawnna when i love desi. i feel like i love dawnna to. but not like the same. like dawnnas like a little more than familly, but desis like just so... i dunno but yah. it sucks so much. i want to die in desis arms. 'cause the other nught she huged me, nothing more just gave me a hug it wasn't even a powerfull/strong hug. but i felt like i wanted to die right then and there it felt as thoughthat was the happiest i'd ever be. ahhhhh!!!!! i dont know how to describe my feeling for anyone any more, im not sure how i feel for any one. i mean my feelings for zoe have barley changed and yet i have to pretend i feel for her only as a friend every time i see her. and with desi i see her no i have to pretend where not even friends it sucks so much.
KissXMeDeadly45: cuz i no that u love me so much and i really wanna love you cuz i no that u would never hurt me and it would be the greatest realationship i ever had i wanna love u so bad but its not there andi am sorry
this hurts so much right now. i wish some one would love me like i love them. dawnna loves me so much. she treats me like gold. and its so amazing and i want to love her like i do desi. but i cant force love. its so uncontrolable and it sucks ;_; some body plese kill me.... |
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